Thursday, April 11, 2013
Dan would be 2
Just a few days away from what would be Dan's 2nd birthday. I still can't believe that we lost a baby sometimes... Speaking for myself, I have been doing really well. Dan's sweet little bro Lou has brought us so much hope and happiness and joy and LOVE and he made me feel like a Mom again. Not that I wasn't a Mom still when Dan passed away, but between May 19th (when Dan passed away) and June 12, 2012 (when Lou was born) I feel like my motherhood was taken away from me. Make sense? I don't know, its hard to explain. Having another baby has helped heal my heart, but there is still an empty spot for Dan. The last couple days leading up to the 14th have kicked my butt. I miss Dan more than ever. I'm having a hard time lately, but I feel guilty like I shouldn't be sad about it--since I know have a happy healthy baby here. I cry for no reason and get really overwhelmed. Planning a 2nd birthday in Heaven is not the funnest thing to plan but I have to do it. I want people to remember Dan and I want it to be a happy day for us to remember him. He is always in my heart, and my Miracle Dan band is always on. hbere have been so many sweet little Heart babies and Heart kiddos that have passed away this last year, it breaks my heart. I just can't wait to see him again someday.
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Everything you said makes perfect sense. Motherhood was taken away from you for that time period. You went from full time mom for 5 wonderful weeks and then back to just caring for yourself. I can't imagine going through that. And just because you have Lou, who is happy and healthy, doesn't mean that you shouldn't be sad about Dan. He was such a HUGE part of your life (and still is but in a different way) and he was taken away from you. There is no worse thing in the World. So don't feel guilty for being sad. It shows how much you love him. I'm proud of you for planning the balloon ceremony for his birthday. I'm sure you would rather just sit around looking at pictures with just family, but you are sharing Dan with your friends and family. :)Love you Lindz and Dan!
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