Thursday, April 11, 2013

Dan would be 2

Just a few days away from what would be Dan's 2nd birthday. I still can't believe that we lost a baby sometimes... Speaking for myself, I have been doing really well. Dan's sweet little bro Lou has brought us so much hope and happiness and joy and LOVE and he made me feel like a Mom again. Not that I wasn't a Mom still when Dan passed away, but between May 19th (when Dan passed away) and June 12, 2012 (when Lou was born) I feel like my motherhood was taken away from me. Make sense? I don't know, its hard to explain. Having another baby has helped heal my heart, but there is still an empty spot for Dan. The last couple days leading up to the 14th have kicked my butt. I miss Dan more than ever. I'm having a hard time lately, but I feel guilty like I shouldn't be sad about it--since I know have a happy healthy baby here. I cry for no reason and get really overwhelmed. Planning a 2nd birthday in Heaven is not the funnest thing to plan but I have to do it. I want people to remember Dan and I want it to be a happy day for us to remember him. He is always in my heart, and my Miracle Dan band is always on. hbere have been so many sweet little Heart babies and Heart kiddos that have passed away this last year, it breaks my heart. I just can't wait to see him again someday.