Miss you Dan!

The lights are blinking merrily
The tinsel’s on the tree
It sits there in the window
For all the world to see.

... The house is filled with holly
And pinecone scents the air
The Christmas cards keep coming
Each one is hung with care.

The gifts are tied with ribbons red
And topped with pretty bows
I’m done with all the details
As far as Christmas goes.

The fire is softly glowing
I think about your touch
But Christmas isn’t Christmas
I miss you oh, so much.

If I could have just anything
My Christmas wish would be
To wake up in the morning
And find you here with me.

Staring at your picture
I long to be set free
Tonight the tears are streaming
As I hold it next to me.

Flakes of snow swirl through the air
I’m braced for stormy weather
I wait for brighter days ahead
When we can be together.

So hold a place in heaven dear
Someday when life is through
I’ll be the Christmas angel
Who shares this day with you.

 

-Author Unknown

 

Mommy misses you so much Dan! I hope you know how much I think about you and long to hold you again.

Miracle Dan

Yesterday Dec 5 2011, Dan's memorial was finally placed. We love it so much! It is exactly how we wanted it to look. It is perfect for our perfect angel. We couldnt have done such an amazing memorial without all of the donations to the Miracle Dan Fund. So I want to thank all those who made a donation. We couldnt have done something so beautiful without your help! Thank you so much!

Dan is one loved little boy! We miss him so much!!!!!

I love this picture. Ever since we were able to release a butterfly in honor of Dan at the IHH Angel Ceremony I think of Dan everytime I see a butterfly. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Yes thats right! Dan is sending down a brother or sister to his parents! We are so excited and can't wait for this next chapter. (yes we are also scared, but praying that things will go well!)

Our lives has been full of changes this year. Ups and downs. We are grieving the loss of our first child, and preparing for the arrival of our second. Baby #2 is due June 30, 2012.

We miss you Baby Dan...so so much!!

A Little Angel

 

Today it would be wonderful
To see you play and smile
But heaven ...lent you to this world
For just a little while
And in that short but precious time
You brought along much love
And all that love is with you now
In heaven up above.
Your leaving caused so many tears
And such a lot of pain
But God needed one more angel
So he took you back again.

Happy Halloween Dan!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO MIRACLE DAN!

Here is a pic of Dan's Halloween decorations. Man he is a spoiled boy! (Hopefully his headstone will be done soon)  I took him a rolo cookie that I made, and a little can of sunkist. I'll be handing the sodas out to our trick or treaters..so I didnt want him to be left out. :) The big spider balloon is from Auntie Daylan. How awesome!!

I love you and miss you so much Dan. I am so proud to be your mommy. I am so proud that you held on for 5 amazing weeks so I could get to know you. I hope you think of me and Daddy often, because we think of you constantly.  I LOVE YOU DAN!!

Dan's Camping Trip

When Dan was 5 days old, Grandpa Mark arranged an amazing camping trip in our BASEMENT for Dan. I knew something was going on, because it seemed like everyone was up to something that day! They were trying to be sneaky.. hehehe. Grandpa came upstairs and said we had to get our "camping" clothes on. (I was still very post-baby) but managed to squeeze into my camo capris. (Note: Dan was already 5 days old and his mom had still not washed her hair yet, because she was with him 24/7!) I dressed Dan in a brown and white onesie that had a bear on it :) and some little brown pants, and some brown and white socks. It was the perfect camping outfit for Dan. :) We have a projector in our basement, so from youtube we were able to project a video of a campfire!! Our basement looked completely different -- like the great outdoors! There were also some strange looking animals down there.. hehe. I was still pretty sore so it was hard for me to sit and relax and enjoy myself. Im pretty sure Dan loved it though! He got to eat down there and hang out with his adoring family.

This video is hilarious. Thanks to Uncle Nash for filming it. Dan's eyes are REALLY wide open in it!He must have been really excited to go camping.  I love how you can here Grandpa Mark in the backgroud saying "You need to have camping apparel on" haha. FYI, Gpa Mark is wearing that mask because he had a really bad cough :)

Dad, Uncle Nash and Mom w/Dan. (notice the rug with the LEAVES, the sleeping bag, the camping chairs, the TREES, the strange pink and orange animal, the purple rabbit!!)

TREES, BRANCHES PINE CONES!!

Dad, Mom, Grandma K and Grandpa M w/ Dan at the campsite! (Our little cooler is by Tyler's feet and there were even drinks in it!! Notice G-ma K's camping hat!!)

Dan's camping outfit!!

Mom and Dad w/Dan CAMPING! :)

We are so thankful for all the wonderful memories we have of Dan. We love him and miss him so much.

"When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure."

2011 Intermountain Healing Hearts - Heart Walk and Angel Ceremony

Saturday we participated in the IHH heart walk and Angel Ceremony. It was so fun! The park in Provo that is was at was beautiful. The weather was great! Our family made tie dye shirts in honor of Dan. They were bright and colorful and just fun! It was a 1 mile awareness walk to raise money for IHH. I think they had a pretty good turn out. It was so nice to meet some of the other Angel moms I have been talking to over the last few months. It was nice to meet the other Heart moms too! IHH is such a great organization and they have helped me so much. The angel ceremony was very touching. We were able to remember Dan and we released a monarch butterfly for him! It was so beautiful!! Here are some pics from Saturday!! We love you and miss you Dan!!

Our group with our tie dye and the angel poster I made for Dan!!

Grandma and Grandpa Wynn, Grandma and Grandpa Jones, Auntie Daylan, Auntie Rilee, Aunt Tammy, Jen & Trinity!

Mommy and Daddy miss you and love you so much Dan!

Rilee made the Hearts on our tie dye shirts! Thanks Aunt Rilee!!

The backs of our shirts say "Dan's Mom" and "Dan's Dad"

Auntie Daylan and I

Jen & Trinity

After we released the butterfly.. it is down in the grass

BEAUTIFUL! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IHH HEART WALK

Tomorrow my family and I are participating in the IHH Heart Walk. We are really excited, because Daniel will be honored in the Angel Ceremony following the walk. We tie dyed shirts and they say "Miracle Dan" on the front. Pictures soon to come!

"See Me Smiling" By Yellowcard

I just can't help but think of my precious Dan when I listen to this song. I'm loving it right now. XOXO I miss you Dan!

Here is a picture of the beautiful watercolor painting we have of Dan and Jesus. It is amazing. I miss him so much, I can't belive it has almost been 3 months.

Ask My Mom How She Is

I found this poem from a Mom who has lost two sons. She is a very sweet lady. I think this poem is really sweet and cute. I dont mean for it to be depressing, I just wanted to share it.



Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies.
She never did before.
But from now until she dies,
She’ll tell a whole lot more.

Ask my Mom how she is,
And because she can’t explain,
She will tell a little lie,
Because she can’t explain the pain.

Ask my Mom how she is,
She’ll say “I’m alright.”
If that’s the truth then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mom how she is.
She seems to cope so well.
She didn’t have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mom how she is.
“I’m fine. I’m well. I’m coping.”
For goodness sake Mom, just tell the truth.
Just say your heart is broken.

She’ll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She’ll lie and say she’s fine.

I am here in Heaven,
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don’t listen,
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We’ll smile and I’ll be bold.
I’ll say, “You’re lucky to get in here, Mom,
With all the lies you’ve told!”

Dan's July decorations

Dan has so many fun toys and 4th of July decorations right now. I love going to visit and seeing if there is something new there that someone has left for him.

Dan's NILMDTS pictures

(Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep)
These pictures were taken at Primary Children's hours after Daniel was born. They were taken right after he was taken off of all the life support machines. They told us he probably wouldn't survive longer than 5 minutes because he was getting worse on the machines. He was truly a fighter. I think he knew how bad I wanted to get more pictures. (We have 2,000+) Thanks for being so tough Dan, I have so many beautiful pictures of you!

Father's Day

Father's Day was hard for us this year, but it was a good time to be grateful for all of the wonderful memories we have with our amazing Daniel Mark. I have SO many pictures of Dan with his adoring Daddy. Here are just a few.

I couldn't have asked for a better Daddy for my sweet little boy. I know Dan loves his Daddy so much! Happy Father's Day Tyler- I love you!

When we first brought Dan home from the hospital, one of the first things we did was show him his awesome super mario nursery that his Daddy did for him. I don't know how Tyler felt, but the Drs made me feel like he would be lucky to leave the hospital, let alone make it home. When we got home we got really overwhelmed so we decided to sit down in the rocking chair and rock Dan, and read him a story. It happpened to be the story of Easter. I'm so glad Dan was here with us for Easter this year. It was a very special Easter.

I just remember crying and thinking of the resurrection and knowing that Dan's heart will be perfect. Oh how I miss him. It's so hard to rock in that rocking chair without him.

If you think I'm cute...

This picture of Dan was taken before we came home from the hospital. We didn't have any of Dan's clothes or blankies at the hospital with us yet, because we were expecting him to be in the CICU for 3-6 weeks after his first surgery. (I thought I would have had time to go pick something out for him, too) I had to have Aunt Chelsie and Uncle Nash stop at our house on their way to the hospital to get some things. I had her get his famous green and brown minky couture blankie, and a few onesies. One specific onesie was the one that said "If you think I'm cute, you should see my Aunt Daylan" a custom onesie that Auntie Daylan made for Dan. I absolutely love it and think its so cute and since Aunt Daylan got it for him I wanted him to wear it. It was the first outfit that our little Dan wore (well besides the white one he wore in his NILMDTS pictures.) I thought for sure it would fit him perfect, but it was a little big. Little did I know, Dan would be wearing ALL the newborn clothes that he had, I even had to go and buy some more!

Tonight Tyler and I went to the cemetery to visit Dan. The sprinklers had just turned off so the grass was soaking wet. I made a "temporary headstone" so we will have a picture of Dan to kiss as we leave- until we get the real headstone ordered. Grandpa Mark had a visit with Dan earlier today, and he brought him some ninja turtles! Pretty awesome. :)

Found this on another heart mom's blog, who lost her son after 44 days. I just had to re-post it.

The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. "Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..."

"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.

The surgeon looked up, annoyed. "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done..."

"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there." The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly.

"When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up and I'll plan what to do next."

"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."

The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."

"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."

The surgeon left. After the surgery, the surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes: "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:" here he paused, "death within one year."

He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud.

"Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"

The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."

The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months.

Why?"

The Lord answered, "The boy, my lamb, shall return to my flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."

The surgeon wept.

The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"

"Yes," said the surgeon.

"What did you find?" asked the boy.

"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.

Author unknown

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Somewhere Over The Rainbow, sung by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole is one of the songs I would play and sing to Daniel. I love this version of the song. It is particularly special to me now, as it was playing when Daniel passed away. You can listen to it at the bottom of the blog. I hope he liked it when his Mommy would sing to him- I didnt get to do it very often because it was hard for me not to start crying at the same time.

Miracle Dan bracelets

We had these bracelets made in honor of Dan. Tyler and I wear them all the time. It is so sweet to see our friends and family members wearing their Dan bracelets all the time. If you would like a bracelet, you can email me at linzishay@hotmail.com. Ill send you my address and you can mail me a pre paid envelope. :)

Memorial Day

Dan had LOTS of flowers and toys for Memorial Day 2011. Thank you to everyone who brought him flowers, toys, etc. It makes me so happy when there is something new there, especially when I don't know where or who it came from.

Dan's Grandpa, Mark, has been SO good to make sure Daniel's grave looks nice. I went to visit Dan one day, and Grandpa Mark was there. He dug up the dead grass that was there, and replaced it with nice green grass for little Dan. Sweet, huh!?

Memorial Day will be different for us forever now. Pretty much every holiday will be different without Dan here.

Messages to Heaven

After Dan's Celebration on May 19, we all went to the cemetery and after Tyler dedicated his grave we had everyone write a message to Dan on a balloon and then we all let go at the same time and sent them up to heaven for him. I read about doing this in a bereavement package and Aunt Chelsie and Uncle Nash made it happen and got all the balloons for us. Thanks guys :) It was perfect. I still get teary eyed from when my dad showed me his balloon. It said "We will go fishing Daniel" -Love Grandpa Dan. I wish so badly Dan was here to go fishing with Grandpa Dan. But they will make it out fishing someday, and they will catch a huge catfish.

Some memories of my Dan

I was so scared to have a baby. Im not a girl that holds babies all of the the time. It came so amazingly natural with Daniel. Now that he is gone, that fear of holding babies has returned. All of our close friends have babies and I admit, it is really hard. I just want to cry. Daniel was supposed to grow up with them, and cause mischeif with his little friend Dominic. But I know he is in heaven with other angels and I really hope they are having fun! I wasn't scared to hold Daniel for the first time, I couldnt wait. He was so beautiful, even with all the tubes and IV's (I hated that IV in his head) when they took him off all the tubes and wires and IVs- he was so tough. He cried a little bit when they took it off but man, he was SOO tough! and boy, could he scream! It was so nice to hear a cry from him, when he was first born he wasn't breathing so I didnt get to hear that first cry like some moms do.

Some of Dan's newborn pics that I love!