Dan would be 2

Just a few days away from what would be Dan's 2nd birthday. I still can't believe that we lost a baby sometimes... Speaking for myself, I have been doing really well. Dan's sweet little bro Lou has brought us so much hope and happiness and joy and LOVE and he made me feel like a Mom again. Not that I wasn't a Mom still when Dan passed away, but between May 19th (when Dan passed away) and June 12, 2012 (when Lou was born) I feel like my motherhood was taken away from me. Make sense? I don't know, its hard to explain. Having another baby has helped heal my heart, but there is still an empty spot for Dan. The last couple days leading up to the 14th have kicked my butt. I miss Dan more than ever. I'm having a hard time lately, but I feel guilty like I shouldn't be sad about it--since I know have a happy healthy baby here. I cry for no reason and get really overwhelmed. Planning a 2nd birthday in Heaven is not the funnest thing to plan but I have to do it. I want people to remember Dan and I want it to be a happy day for us to remember him. He is always in my heart, and my Miracle Dan band is always on. hbere have been so many sweet little Heart babies and Heart kiddos that have passed away this last year, it breaks my heart. I just can't wait to see him again someday.

We WILL see Dan again!!

Elder Shayne Bowen's General Conference talk October 2012..just what I needed to hear. Watch this !!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-fXGKXFhdI

 

Lou visiting Dan <3 love my boys

 

IHH Walk For Healing Hearts 2012

Our family was able to participate at the IHH heart walk again this year. We love going to support them and spread CHD awareness. We realeased a butterfly for Miracle Dan again, too. Thanks to our family who came out to support. It means so much to me that you come and do this to remember Dan. We miss Dan so much everyday and we are so grateful he sent us his sweet little brother Lou. Lou helps me remember that Heaven really isn't that far away. :)

 

 

Miracle Dan has sent a little brother to us!

Introducing Miracle Dan's little bro- Lou!

He is truly a gift from Heaven and we couldnt be happier! Thanks for teaching him how to be a good little baby, Dan! We see a lot of you in him! He looks more like you everyday, too!

1 year

I can't believe its already been a year since Dan left us. I miss him so much. Yesterday the 19th was the 1 year mark. We actually had a pretty great day. We went down to Murray for the IHH 5k with a bunch of our family and friends. (I just sat and watched because I'm 35 weeks pregnant) Tyler took 3rd overall. He did awesome. We hung out at Murray City Park for a bit, the weather was great. We also ate lunch there and it was really nice to just sit and relax. Everyone that ran or walked the 5k did great. I am really proud of everyone that came out to support us yesterday. It makes the moments much easier when we are doing something positive it remembrance of Dan. Surrounding myself with uplifting people makes it easier too. I am really happy we had so many friends and family come out to support IHH, the organization that helps other families affected by CHD's and angel families. After the 5k we headed home to watch the Chelsea vs Bayern Munich soccer game. (Tyler's favorite EPL team is Chelsea FC.) They WON! So it was a really fun game to watch, and another great distraction. After that Tyler and I took some pretty orange roses to Dan's grave. Tyler trimmed the grass around the edges of the headstone and it looks really nice. After the visit at the cemetery we headed home and then had a BBQ with some friends. Like I said, it was a great day. I miss my sweet boy so much but I know I will se him again someday. I hope he can see that Tyler and I are doing well, and that we smile whenever we think of him.

the group before the race

the group after the race

Dan's grave

orange roses for Dan

Proud of my hubby taking 3rd overall! I designed those  "Miracle Dan" pins that Tyler is pointing at on his shirt.  I ordered them online and everyone got to wear one when they were running. :)  

Happy 1st b-day in Heaven Dan!

Happy 1^st Birthday in Heaven to my amazing sweet little boy. Not a single day has passed where I don’t miss you or long to hold you in my arms. Every day I wonder what you would look like, what you would be doing, how your smile would look, how many haircuts you would have had to have. I have had many special moments since you left us where I know you have been near. I believe you are near me during the moments where I miss you the most with tears rolling down my cheeks.  (Like right now) I cant believe a year has passed since I got to see you for the first time.  Bringing you into this world was so painful but I would do it all again a million times for another  5 amazing weeks with you.  I cherish every memory I have of you. Each day that goes by I know I am one day closer to seeing you again. I love you so much Dan and I hope you know how proud I am to be your Mom.  XOXO

Just what I needed...

This video was just what I needed today. Miss you Dan!